It was in July 2003 when my father was transferred to Chandigarh. Originally from ahmedabad, dad worked in the Central Bureau of investigation (CBI), and hence, I was habituated to moving to new cities and thus, new schools. I was 16 at that time, and that is when I fell in love. Right opposite dad’s one-room flat on the 4th floor was a lavish bungalow sprawling across a wide area. It was there that she lived. The lucky girl’s name was soniya desai, although she wasn’t aware of the fact that she was all that lucky. We studied in the same class and even had the same personal tuitor. Everyday in the evening, I would trod upto her bungalow, where soniya and I studied maths from a common tuitor Miss Rama madam. I had always been excellent in studies, securing a rank every year wherever I studied. And maths was my favorite subject. Soniya on the other hand was an average student. Not that she was dumb, but it was just that she had too many distractions. A blackberry in her hand all the time, talking for long hours on the phone gossiping with her friends, etc was usual for her.
“Hey fatoo”, she called me as we were sitting in her room finishing rama ma’m’s homework. I looked angrily at her, “Don’t call me by that name.”
But she never obeyed me.
Now I was not what people consider as “Handsome”, but, well, I had my own positives. Light brown eyes, and sharp features, I was called cute by many people. I, however had one asset which I somewhat disliked. And they were my cheeks- fluffy, and slightly drooping, they lurched frantically everytime I ran or walked fast. They were a paradise for people, everyone scrambling to pull them. My teachers did it, my friends did it, and my mother did it when she was alive. And now soniya had a new name for me – “Fatoo”.
I was shaken out of my reverie by her, “Oye fatoo, help me with this sum na. I cant solve it.”
I looked over in her notebook and helped her solve it. She pulled my cheeks with both her hands and said, “Thank you fatoo. I love you.”
It was a normal for her to say “I love you.” She said it to almost all her friends. But I really was in love with her. How and when it happened, don’t ask me. Teenage is such a phase when these hormones do illogical things. Those long hours studying together, the occasional but electrifying brushing of her arm against mine, or that heavenly moment when she graced my cheeks with the touch of her hands – was magical. On Sundays, we used to have morning tuitions, and everytime she would arrive fresh, just bathed, her long hair wet and open. As she would sit besides me and attend madam’s tuition, I would try not to look at her. She looked beautiful in wet hair.
However, to her, we were “JUST FRIENDS” – yes, those two words which bollywood couples so shamelessly insult. Always being the shy kind, I never had the guts to confess my love to her. We were totally apart as far as our background was concerned. Her dad was the leading doctor of the city, with a very flourishing practice. On the other hand, we were that archtype middle class family which you all must have seen in the movies – “The common man.”
I would stare at her for hours from the small window next to my study table when she sat on the terrace swing and chatted with her friends on BBM. I was not even on her friend list as I could neither afford a blackberry nor the monthly BBM service rental.
With every passing day, my love for her grew, until at times I forgot to breathe. It was love in the purest form – unadulterated. I knew her good qualities; I knew her negatives. I loved all of them. Just as uday chopra did in dhoom, even I pictured us together – a wedding, places we would visit. It didn’t matter whether it was goa or Kashmir or some sweaty jungle. The feeling was always the same as long as soniya was with me.
But fate intervened. Dad was transferred to delhi. We had to shift in fifteen days. I couldn’t tell soniya that I loved her. It was a fantasy which I lived every single moment, but the stark reality was that she was too high for me, beyond my reach. She was rich, used to an extravagant lifestyle, whereas I had nothing of that sort.
I somehow needed to tell her that I was leaving, but couldn’t gather the guts. So finally I decided to leave her a letter.
I wrote –
Dear Soniya,
Thank you for giving me the most precious moments of my life. Dad has been transferred to delhi, and I may not return. Sorry I didn’t meet you before going. There’s something I never told you before, but soniya, I adored you. I liked you from the very first time I saw you, and before I could realize, I was in love with you. I know we’re not mature at this age, but this is the truth – that I was in love with you. Yes I know it was a stupid thought. I know we both are economically miles and poles apart, and that you would never have said yes to me, but I’m sorry. I did not have the courage to tell this to you in person, and hence this letter. Hope we meet sometime in the future.
Love, Rahul.
She stood there dumbfounded, holding my letter in her hand, not knowing how to react. By this time I was already on my way to delhi.
***
With a vengeance, I began my studies. I joined the IIT coaching classes in delhi, slogging hard for hours together with my books. The hard work paid off and two years later, I got admission in IIT powai, Mumbai. My teary – eyed father was the happiest person alive on earth it seemed, as he hugged me and wept for what seemed an eternity. “Your mother would have been proud of you today son,” he sobbed with joy.
FOUR YEARS LATER
Soniya never left my mind, as I constantly pined for her, missed her company. Many a times, I felt the urge to pick up my new mobile and dial her number. But I never did that. Wish I had done that !
I consistently remained among the top students of my batch, and as a result, I was offered a placement in INFOSYS in Mumbai itself, with a superb salary package.
The day I got the job after the interview, I rushed outside and called up dad to give him the good news. My friends were jubiliant, as I had got the highest package from our college. They all started chanting “party party” around me. I laughed and said, “Okay okay. Tonight’s dinner is on me.” And they all started whistling. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, with only my mom, dad and soniya remaining to complete the picture.
We all went to a new restaurant that had just opened few days back. As we sat sown, I said, “Hey vishal, I forgot my phone in your car. I’ll just be back.”
“Sure mate,” said vishal and threw his car keys to me as I caught them. As I walked out of the restaurant towards the parked car, a voice came from behind, “So you left me fatoo?”
I froze and turned around. Standing there tears in her eyes was soniya. She looked more beautiful than ever before. I just stood there wordlessly until she came upto me and slapped me. Okay, this was shocking. I saw few people stopping to watch what was happening between us. People are always free in India for free entertainment.
She was crying now, “You think you can just leave me like that?” she shouted.
I tried to console her, but she shook off my hand and continued, “I loved you too Rahul. I LOVED YOU TOO.”
My senses numbed.
She continued, “Yes that is the truth. But I am a girl. I knew you liked me and one day you would confess your feelings in front of me. And so I waited. But you never came back. You just left me without even telling me.”
“I’m sorry soniya.” I said.
She shook her head, “It’s too late now rahul.”
I had expected this answer. After all, it had been 5 years since we had separated.
With a heavy heart, I told her, “I know it’s too late, and I’ll regret it the rest of my life. I hope you are happy with whoever you are right now.”
She said, “Rahul you fool. Do you still think I’m capable of loving someone else? I had loved only you, and I’ll continue to do so.”
I look puzzled, “Then what Soniya?”
She hesitated slightly. I took her hand and held her.
“I’m not going to live too long Rahul. I have leukemia – blood cancer.”
It was as if life gave me a jolt. My knees went weak as I tried to register her words. Tears welled up her yes as she continued, “I was diagnosed 6 months back. I have at the most one year to live rahul.”
Fate had done it again. It jeered at me, leered at me, mocking me, but this time I had an answer. I knew what had to be done.
In the parking lot itself in front of about thirty pairs of prying eyes, I went down on my knees and proposed to her, “Marry me.” I said.
She looked down at me disbelievingly and pleaded, “No Rahul don’t do this please. I don’t want all this sympathy. I don’t want to spoil your life too… I ..”
“Ssshhhh,” I put a finger on her lips and silenced her, “Soniya Desai, five years ago, I made a mistake for which I wont ever be able to forgive myself.”
She looked at me tears rolling down her already red eye and cheeks.
I continued, “I was a coward. But now I’m not. I have a brilliant job. All I need to complete my life is you. I don’t care what disease you suffer from. I don’t care how long you live. All I care is that I want every second of yours until then to be spent with me. Will you marry me please? Will you marry your fatoo?”
She broke down completely, “Yes fatoo. I will. I will marry you.”
Lifting her in my arms, I carried her inside the restaurant. The guard at the door watched in awe as I carried her upto the table where my friends sat. soniya said, “Rahul put me down. Everyone is looking at us.”
I shrugged and said, “I don’t care soniya.”
She replied smiling, “But I care rahul. I am the owner of this restaurant.”
***
The wedding took place in a lavish farm house in delhi, attended by both our families, friends. It was the most memorable moment of my life to see soniya so happy. A one month honeymoon in Europe followed.
The next few months were a blur, with soniya regularly being given chemotherapy. We spent every moment with each other. We roamed, laughed, made love and forgot the entire world. I had promised myself I’d never get weak in front of her. Never even once, I had come close to crying. I had to be strong so that she didn’t get weak.
On Christmas eve, her health deteriorated rapidly. She clung to me the entire night, talking to me, reminiscing our teenage days. I held her tightly, telling her how much I loved her. At five am the next morning, she breathed her last in my arms. Hugging her, I finally could no longer keep the tears within me as they slid down my eyes, onto my cheeks and finally falling on the floor.
Fate had done it again !!!
Dr. Digant Jhala
Vadodara , Gujarat
